Bathroom fix up

The cherry stained cabinets and dark green granite look great in my kitchen but they used the same materials for the master bathroom.  Bleck. It was driving me crazy, something had to be done.

I have a "can of paint" budget rather than a "carrera marble" budget so off to Home Depot I went. A quart of paint and two rollers later I was ready for my first painting project on the new home. My mother who for years has been painting everything that stands still long enough gave me a quick tutorial along with a much needed drop cloth and a brush to get all the places a roller can't.

I thought it would be a quick weekend project but with in-between-coats-drying-time it extended over two weeks. And today I finally put all the doors and drawers back up. I am thrilled!

This is what it looked like originally. Sorry I didn't clean off the top!

Here it is in the process of being painted. 

Looks better already.

All done! What a difference.

I have touched every piece of paper in my house

My files are glorious, my filing cabinet – a work of art. 

I have spent several weekends going through all my papers, every last crumpled receipt. 

95% of everything that was clogging my old files, closets, purse, and kitchen counter has been shredded. The remaining 5% are filed, labeled and hanging neatly and submissively in my filing cabinet. All color coordinated of course in pale grey and white.

And my receipts! After the date and total has been highlighted on incoming receipts they go into their tabbed section of the newly labeled accordion folder, then all the receipts for each month are stapled together once a new month begins. I am breathlessly awaiting April 1st.

Need to check the insurance policy? No problem, back in a jiff. Utilities? Business receipts? Dog care? Investments? Upcoming events? Coupons? I can get them with only two fingers and one eye open. 

I pounce on the mailman when he comes, will it go to the shredder or be filed? Who knows, this is so exciting! I am less interested in what I actually buy now and more excited when I get to highlight and file the receipt.

I am the file queen, bow down your folders before me.

When I was getting gas today I did not purchase the 2 donuts for a dollar that the sign on the gas pump advertised, even though they looked to be about the size of a fat baby's head. I did not get a Dunkin Donuts coffee when I drove by the shop, and we all know the term "coffee" is used loosely as their recipe is 1 cup white sugar mixed with 1 pint whipping cream with a shot of black coffee added in for smell. I did not stop at the hot dog stand that was voted best local takeout in town, I hit the gas and turned left so as not to go by the drive-thru entrance, it is rumoured to have it's own gravitational pull. 

What I did do is make it home safely where I have 5 grapefruits, 17 oranges, 9 lemons, 4 heads of romaine, spinach, arugula, two heads of broccoli, a giant head of cauliflower, white asparagus, 5 hard boiled eggs and 4 poached chicken breasts waiting for me in the fridge.

The person who came up with the phrase "sweet taste of victory" was not eating steamed broccoli with lemon juice at the time.

Ahhh, I can breathe. My cold is gone.

My coewd is worse.

I hab a coewd

Day 14

Today is the final day of phase one. 

I survived. 

I made it through with two very small cheats, I ate a handful of dried fruit one night and one evening added part of a pack of taco seasoning to some ground beef. I would have put money on me making a fast break for the donut shop around 7 hours in. 

The agony of the past 14 days is about to be rewarded. I now enter phase two where the restrictions are loosened. I have been counting down the days until tomorrow. I am barely exaggerating when I say I may not be able to sleep tonight in anticipation, my mouth is starting to salivate as I type this knowing that tomorrow I will be allowed to eat: 

one small potato

Half of me is "are f*@#ing kidding me?" and the other is "ohmygosh, thank you, thank you!"

Both halves will devour that stinkin' little potato at breakfast.

Night 13

I ate so much salad I dreamt I was trapped in an enormous plant stomach. My own private "Little Shop of Horrors".

Day 12

The past few days have been tolerable. I don't feel like I am going to die at any given moment, I can be trusted for short periods of time in a grocery store, I don't wail and thrash about when I realize what my breakfast, lunch or dinner will consist of. I do however have an ever present yearning for what I can't eat. 

And I am never really full, there is salad full and then there is carbohydrate full. Salad full is when green foam will come out of your nose if you try to jam one more shred of lettuce in your mouth but carbohydrate full is a nice warm heaviness in your stomach. The difference is huge.

A sample meal:

You will need a bowl, if you don't have anything larger than a cereal or soup bowl look around for a punch bowl or bird bath. Chop lettuce until your arm grows tired. Toss with apple cider vinegar and wave a piece of poached chicken over the top.

Bon appetit!

Daffodilly

I feel the need to mention again that I planted these bulbs last fall. Are these not fantastic specimens of Narcissus pseudonarcissus (daffodil to those of you not as advanced in bulb gardening as I am)?

Their superb daffodilness is probably due to the fact that they were planted at the ideal depth, and at the ideal time and the earth was then retamped with the ideal amount of force. 

I wouldn't argue if you chose to call me the bulb whisperer.

No wonder all the flowers sprung up, look at the temperature. 

Yes that is the snow shovel leaning rather dejectedly in the far left of the photo.

"Once, I got to shovel one stupid time this winter."

Day 11

It's actually day 11, I lost a day somewhere.
It was probably sliced to shreds and eaten when I was in razor blade mode.

Laughter

Grandma holding the new baby and telling us stories.

Babies are good for reminiscing

First flower!

The first daffodil opened up today. 

Looks like I better get busy weeding and picking up sticks.

These are next!

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Day 8

Word of the day:
PEPPY

Cleaned like an insane coke addict all morning.
And then still had the energy to resist eating this:

Somebody rather cruely decided to have a birthday. 

Day 7

No headaches today.
I have spurts of energy and I swear I can see a little bit more clearly, as if everything is a tiny bit brighter and crisper.
I feel a little less foggy.
But no massive changes at the half way mark.
I still struggle with this cleanse but I don't feel as desperate as I did the first few days, although 7 more days seems like forever.
Waiting until my next meal seems like forever.

Day 6

Meh.
Not so bad today.

Day 5

headache
irritable
I am made of razorblades

Look, I'm all for vegetables. Go broccoli. I love a giant pile of baby arugula. Asparagus delights me. Red peppers, radicchio, romaine lettuce all get my support. Cabbage, snow peas, zucchini and tomatoes are my friends. But when suddenly you can no longer mix them with some fluffy mashed potatoes, or smash them between slices of bread or drizzle them with a little olive oil and salt or follow them up with dessert, you grow to resent them. When they become 90% of what you eat they suddenly do not amuse you, beckon to you, seduce you like they did when they were mixed with some pasta.

Yes I know it's for two weeks only. But let me know when you've been on this cleanse for 4 days straight, then we'll talk about "only two weeks".

Harumph.

Is it seriously still only day four?

Side effects

Cleanse day four:
Someone keeps whispering "bagel" in my ear.
My shoulders and neck ache.
I have a headache.
I might be a little irritable.


Shhh, did you hear that?

This sucks

Otherwise known in happier circles as a "two week cleanse"

Day three: 

headache

constantly hungry (But not as bad as day 1 and 2 where I was prowling around, looking at everything as a potential food source. Everything.)

I used to be healthy, overly healthy. So healthy I became unhealthy. Then when there was so much work stress and no health left I crashed onto a bed of Cheetos and a pillow of doughnuts. Depression, weight gain, sickness all came to visit and never left. 

Good bye toxic job, now I work for myself. I love my boss.

Good bye sad condo, hello little red brick house. I love my house.

And now it's time to say goodbye to all the toxins inside me and go back to healthy me. Which is very difficult. Eating a Cheeto is easy. Not eating a Cheeto is very, very hard. 

I am very aware of every second I am not eating. And when I am eating I am very aware of what I am not eating. 

(not) in stitches

Lola had all her stitches removed today and was declared healthy by the vet. Huzzah!

Lola showing off her pink, stitch-free tummy.

Ate dinner with the family in front of a roaring fire. OK, the fire only roared when my mom added the logs, it sighed and begrudgingly glowed when I tried poking at it. Some skills are not passed down.